A SLIMMER SLIMER?

BACK OFF DEPRESSION! SLIMER SANK INTO A COMA FOR TEN DAYS OR SEVEN MAYBE! WHO KNOWS WHAT CELB WILL DISTORT THE WORLD NEXT? MAYBE BEN KINGSLEY?

MOVE OVER BACON! SLIMER'S GOING ON A DIET! TOO FAT FOR TINSLETOWN IS HIS GHOSTS GONE WILD SUBTITLE! SLIMER'S GONNA SLIM DOWN TO GET TO THE WEIGHT OF RYAN GOSLING!

THIS MAKES ME UNSURE

HOW MANY MORE CELBS CAN SLIMER TAKE TO THE BANK ONLY TO FINED THAT CELBS MAKE MISTAKES TO? FIRST MICHAEL RICHARDS THEN DANIEL DEVITO THEN TARA REED? SLIMER HAS SAW PICTURES AND VIDEO OF TARA'S NIPPLE AT HOLLYWOOD PARTY!

DANNY DEVITO IS LOOSE!!!

SLIMER SEES THIS ON YOUTUBE: DANNY DEVITO DRUNK? ON A TV SHOW?

THESE LADIES ARE LUCKY! AFTER GHOSTBUSTERS CAME OUT, ONE NIGHT DANNY DEVITO WAS IN SLIMER'S BED, GIGGLING AND STARING AT SLIMER'S TAINT! HE SAID, "THE TAINT OF A YOUNG LADY MAKES ME HAPPY!" I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY BECAUSE I'M NOT A LADY!!!!! I SAID TO HIM, "I'M A DUDE!!!!!" AND HE GOT ALL SOUR FACED AND SAID, "WELL NOW YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME!" I DON'T KNOW IF HE WAS DRUNKEN, BUT HE SURE WAS TAINT-MAD! DANNY DEVITO LOVES A TAINT OF A LADY! WHICH IS WHY THESE GALS WERE LUCKY THAT HE DIDN'T GO FOR IT!

BY THE WAY, HE MENTIONS SPENDING THE NIGHT NAKED IN A SLEEPING BAG WITH MATTHEW BRODERICK. I BET SLIMER KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED!!!!

HE SAYS HE'S SORRY!

AT MY LUNCH, MICHAEL RICHARDS SAID HE WAS SORRY. I THINK. IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE BECAUSE I WANTED TO SQUEEZE OUT WHATEVER SEINFELD HE'D ABSORBED FROM SPENDING SO MUCH TIME WITH SEINFELD INTO A LITTLE POOL ON THE GROUND AND SOAK IT UP IN SOME BREAD AND EAT IT. I LOVE SEINFELD!!!!

HUNGRY

GUESS WHO'S HAVING LUNCH WITH MICHAEL RICHARDS TODAY? THE SCOOP COMES BACK AT YOU LATER!

OPRAH

NOT INVITED TO THE WEDDING OF TOM AND KATIE? SERVES HER RIGHT FOR HAVING THAT COUCH. NOW IF THEY JUST INVITE LEEZA GIBBONS, ALL WILL BE IN PLACE.

NOT AGAIN

WHO THE HELL IS LETTING MADONNA ADOPT AGAIN? THAT'S HOW I GOT INTO THIS GHOST SITUATION IN THE FIRST PLACE!

AW HELL

I'VE JUST SLIMED MY LAPTOP IN ANTICIPATION OF SPIDERMAN 3! I HEARD THAT THOMAS HADEN CHURCH GOT SAND IN HIS SHEW DURING FILMING BUT TOBEY MAGUIRE WAS THERE TO HELP HIM THROUGH IT. GOOD PEOPLE.

In other news:

MY SLIME ACHES FOR KEVIN FEDERLINE. HE'S A CELB WHO KNOWS HOW TO GET WHAT'S HIS EVEN WHEN THE WHORES WON'T.

I BELIEVE

WHERE ON THE SPECTRAL PLANE HAS DAVID DUCHOVONY GONE? HE WAS JUST HERE TWO MINUTES AGO?